A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths. Steven Wright afraidheightlot Change image and share on social
I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke. Steven Wright arrestkaraokelip Change image and share on social
Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream. Steven Wright cakechocolatecream share on social
You can't have everything. Where would you put it? Steven Wright put Change image and share on social
I always thought Johnny Carson was just brilliant, and I used to watch him and all the comics that would be on the show every night - and I'd dream about it being me. Steven Wright brilliantcarsoncomic Change image and share on social
The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is. Steven Wright abstractbasicallyexplain share on social
I like to reminisce with people I don't know. Steven Wright peoplereminisce Change image and share on social
Comedians are sociologists. We're pointing out stuff that the general public doesn't even stop to think about, looking at life in slow-motion and questioning everything we see. Steven Wright comediangenerallife Change image and share on social
